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Get Real with Yourself: 20Q for Self-Honesty

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What is self-honesty?

Self-honesty is getting real with yourself. Getting straight with that little voice in your head that pipes up when you're doing things you want to do that aren't good for you or when you're brushing over feelings or thoughts that deserve to have a closer look.  

It's important because if you aren't in line with how you truly feel about things, why you do what you do, and what your true desires and motivations are, then you're not going to feel fulfilled and it might even hinder your success.

We get it, that might sound a little woo-woo, but you can use this list of 20 questions to sit down with yourself and have some quality self-reflection. You can use these questions to have a tough internal conversation with yourself, and then you can share your answers if you want to have a serious deep talk with your hubs, partner, or a really good friend. 

Write down your answers so that you can go back to them and re-answer these questions to see how you've grown or assess any improvement you've made in the different ares. Remember, self-reflection is a process that needs revisited occasionally. You could keep a journal of these questions monthly or even every few months so that the conversation is ongoing.

20 Questions

1. How am I feeling right now? Why do I feel this way?
2. Am I usually in the present moment or am I frequently lost in thought?
3. Do I frequently come up with excuses and justifications for either doing or not doing something? Are these excuses for my self or others?
4. What am I most strongly motivated by right now?
5. What would you do with your life if nobody was watching, judging or commenting?
6. Do I feel satisfied with my past? How do I feel about your life and what has happened to me?
7. What is the best thing that ever happened to me? What is the hardest struggle or challenge I've faced?
8. Is it easy for me to let go of painful experiences? Do I forgive easily or hold grudges?
9. Is there anything from my past that I'm still holding on to? Why can't I release it?
10. How do I feel about my live right now? Family, friends, relationships or job?
11. Do I feel like I am being true to myself in the way I live and think?
12. What do you want people to remember about you when you die?
13. What problem happening in the world troubles me most?
14. What are some of my negative tendencies, even small ones? Are there any ways I unintentionally hurt people?
15. Do I have any unhealthy behavioral or thinking habits? What is the true reason for these?
16. Am I satisfied with who I am as a person, (physically, mentally, personality, etc)?
17. Is there anything about myself that I want to change? What are my biggest weaknesses?
18. Is there anything I don't want others to know about me? Why is this?
19. How easily do I admit someone is right, even if that makes me wrong?
20. Overall, am I accepting? kind? grateful? positive? Why?

Use this question if you can't answer one of the above:

BONUS: Why can't I answer this question? Do I not have an answer or do I not want to because it's challenging?
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an Honest note about getting real

This whole process is hard. But it's important to realize that self-honesty isn't self-criticism. The point of these questions isn't to help you face your shortcomings and flaws, but to help you know and accept yourself for who you truly are.


"Self-honesty is an act of self-love, of acknowledgement and respect of who you really are and of belief in your own immense inner potential and capacity for change" - Alis Anagnostakis

When you answer these questions, try to be objective. Write down the facts about the way things are for you, and don't try to give the answers you wish you had or things you wish were true about yourself. 


Anything you realized about yourself you want to share? Leave a comment below, or use #NeverSkipBrunch

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20 questions for self-honesty | tips for self honesty | self honesty guide | self help resource | brighter bold | cara newhart
20 questions for self-honesty | tips for self honesty | self honesty guide | self help resource | brighter bold | cara newhart
20 questions for self-honesty | tips for self honesty | self honesty guide | self help resource | brighter bold | cara newhart

never skip brunch by cara newhart

I'm Cara, the designer & Chief Creative Enthusiast behind Never Skip Brunch. I'm a color & prints obsessed DIY queen who's here to help you create a beautifully lived-in life through home design advice and chic DIY tutorials


  1. Chantal says

    these are actually very good questions that you can ask yourself.
    but answering these could also be hurtful if you don’t want to face the truth.

  2. Helen says

    I love having moments of quiet self reflection and these questions are perfect for those who are looking to start! All very powerful and insightful for those willing to take the time to delve into them!

    Helen xx

    • never skip brunch by cara newhartCara Newhart says

      I love that concept too! It’s definitely something I’m still working on since I can be so self-critical, but it’s such a huge step in the right direction!

      xo, Cara

  3. Stephanie says

    I think I need to sit down tomorrow morning with these questions and actually write out the answers so I can remember them and grow from there. Thank you so much for the push to be honest with myself and get closer to reaching my goals!

    • never skip brunch by cara newhartCara Newhart says

      That’s exactly what I do too! Something about writing it out helps you really think through it and process things. You are so welcome! So glad I could help 🙂
      xo, Cara

  4. Denise Kokinis says

    I have been trying to do a bit more self-reflection over the last few months or so, but I do not have a running list! There are so many amazing questions I need to add to my daily time!

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